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Patience & Perseverence

10.08.2006

"But God knows the way that I take, and when He has tested me, I will come out like gold."
- Job 23:10

Tonight was one of those nights. And I don't mean that in a negative way, so let me preface this posting by saying that things always work out how they're supposed to and I'm finally learning to accept that. It was one of those days that just works on your nerves in every aspect--whether it be people that have relentlessly irritated or upset you in countless ways throughout the years, or little things like stubbing your toe really badly when you're walking up the stairs and being careless.

Things just weren't looking up and I honestly felt like just curling up in a ball and sleeping the rest of the day away. But rather than giving in completely to those feelings I sucked it up and ventured out. I'm very thankful that I did. I learned a lot tonight and there are several people that deserve those thanks...but above all of them I do thank God for what He has done in my life in the past few months because without His grace and mercy I would be in such an awful place right now. I also am very thankful for my girlfriend and all that she has helped me with. I'm not going to go into some big drawn out sappy thing about how wonderful she is, etc. Those kinds of things should be said personally and I will take care of that.

However, it is also with her help that I've been able to come to a lot of conclusions and pull through a lot of (mostly) unknown drama in my life that only she is aware of. I love you...and thank you from the bottom of my heart for standing by me through all of the rough times.

The others who deserve to be thanked will remain unnamed so as not to point anyone out...but you know who you are.

Anyway, now that all that is taken care of---
I'm not going to go into too much detail because the details are not important. What is important is that I really want to stress the importance of patience and perseverence. I have never had any problem with perseverence; those of you who know me pretty well can usually say that once I put my mind to something that I make sure it gets done and gets done right. I thank my father for impressing that type of work ethic on me. It's something that has taken a long time to whittle down to a T, and I'm still working on it--but that's one thing that has always stuck in my mind from my childhood.

Never give up.

Patience, on the other hand, has been a struggle since as long as I can remember. It's taken such a terribly long time for me to appreciate that it really isn't all about me, me, me. If you're reading this there's a good chance that you know me at least moderately well and I'm sure you can agree that I can be pretty overwhelming sometimes when things don't go the way I want them to. I assure you that I am trying. I want nothing but the best for everyone, myself included. At times, this comes off as a flaw in my personality as a result of the way I have presented myself in the past. I recognize this and have been working on that since as long as I can remember.

It is a constant uphill battle. Especially when everyone around us settles for less than greatness...mediocrity should never be viewed as acceptable. Think about it. I mean take a few seconds and honestly think. How ludicrous does it sound to say,

"Man, I can't wait to graduate, get older and be average!"

Kinda a weird example, but you get my point. How many times throughout the course of one day--heck, one hour, do we settle for "just good enough"? I know I'm guilty of it. I give cop-out excuses and just tell people that I'm lazy. We all do it. If I had a nickel for every time someone admitted how lazy they were to me in the last week, I'd probably have at least 35 cents. ;)

Regardless of the sarcastic jokes, my point remains glaring me right in the face every second of every day. Without perseverence, turmoil, more perseverence, more drama, even more perseverence and even more suffering, we would amount to far less than greatness.

And to me, anything less than greatness is worth absolutely nothing. Here's some food for thought:

I messaged one of our new members (in the fraternity) around 4:30 this morning. I was feeling really down about a lot of different things and really just needed to get out of the house and get some fresh air. He ended up coming over and we took a long walk down to campus. After both of us vented about some of our own personal stuff for awhile we were on the way back and came across a bird on the ground. It startled me pretty badly because it was on the concrete stairs by the Cathedral amidst some fallen dead leaves.
We jumped out of the way, and then noticed that the right wing seemed to have been broken because it clearly wasn't able to fly away. Tyler and I chased this poor thing around trying to get it to calm down but it just kept flapping its wings on the ground and skittering away from us.
The weird part about it was that his wings were clearly working--he kept lifting off the ground just enough to get away from us--but he couldn't fly. I finally was able to get my hands around him after a few minutes of cornering him. He was absolutely terrified, but he didn't bite. His little heart was pounding so hard and I could tell just by how fast he was breathing and the franticness of his tiny eyes darting back and forth that he thought for sure he was done for. But after a few minutes of petting him and holding him softly, his breathing slowed along with his heartrate. He stopped fighting against me and I was able to release my hold on him enough that he no longer tried to get away. It was so strange because we kept trying to figure out what was wrong with this bird. His wing was definitely not broken but he just couldn't get into the air.
We thought he might have been just learning to fly but he was definitely not a baby. After Tyler managed to get him to drink some A&W Cream Soda out of the bottle cap (quite possibly the pinnacle of my evening) we got him to drink some water too. He drank the water so fast that he was burying his tiny beak in the bottlecap and blowing little air bubbles in the water
At that moment, nothing else mattered for him. He drank the water like it had been days since he'd had any sort of hope of survival. We didn't know what to do with him--we had just spent the past 30 minutes nurturing this bird and were now faced with the harsh reality that something was still wrong with it.
Tyler suggested putting it in a bush so that it had at least some kind of shelter...so I did just that. It immediately flapped its wings and skittered to the ground and landed upside down.

What happened next is the important part. So listen up if you're not already. We ran over to him and before flipping him rightside up we noticed something wrong with his body. There was some type of serious physical deformation that was clearly the cause of his inability to fly. The cool part about this whole ordeal is the realization that this bird had been born that way. And yet somehow he had managed to grow up and survive regardless of the fact that there is no way he has, or ever will, spread his wings and fly like other birds. He was all alone and most likely has been rejected and ignored his whole life. But he did the only thing he could do--he adapted in order to survive. It hit me pretty hard when I realized that.

Talk about faith. That's faith and perseverence at the absolute core. Accepting the things that we cannot change and doing everything in our power to move on from the setbacks that we are forced to endure on a daily basis. Some are obviously bigger than others. I cannot imagine the struggles that small creature had to have overcome in the course of his short lifetime. But he made it. And I wish you could have seen the way he could move if he felt threatened. He didn't have any problems getting around, that's for sure!

For me, it's always been the smallest things that affect me the most. We all make the mistake of being selfish and thinking others don't have problems bigger than our own...when in reality the chances of your worst enemy facing personal issues bigger than you can fathom are pretty immense. That is something I myself am constantly struggling with--accepting these types of things. But tonight made me realize that we ALL have problems. And I don't just mean you and me--it goes the whole way down the food chain. God puts things and people into our life for a very specific reason, and tonight was just another of dozens of cool stories I could tell you in regards to helping me realize things I need to work on in my own life.

I don't want you to think I'm trying to preach at any of you. I'm not. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable about the things I'm saying because I'm trying my hardest to help people to realize I don't write these things for me. I've experienced the feelings and the heartache and the turmoil that has brought me to this point in my life---I'm writing this for you. If I can save you one day, one hour, one minute of stress and unhappiness by offering up the hopeful words in here, then I have done what I've set out to do.

I realized tonight more than ever that regardless of how many obstacles we are faced with, it could always be worse. That even the smallest of animals are faced with life-altering situations that are vastly different from what others just like them have ever dealt with before. And so are we...which is why understanding and patience is something that I'm going to focus on more. I challenge all of you to do the same. And by all means, if I'm going back on that and you notice it, please call me out on it.

These are all things that we have to work at. We have to put up with the curve balls life throws at us and adapt to them accordingly. That little bird did it. Why can't we?

We have to deal with the fact that every second of every day, we could be let down and be broken. But only if we let that happen. I, like everyone, have a habit of letting the negative things take over my life.

But at least I'm finally trying my hardest NOT to. Instead, I try to work on the solutions to my problems rather than dwelling on the problems themselves.

Are you?
7:44 AM :: 3 comments ::

ryan :: permalink


Read this.

10.07.2006
Found this online...definitely a must-read for everyone.

Written last month, this straightforward account of life in Iraq by a Marine officer was initially sent just to a small group of family and friends. His honest but wry narration and unusually frank dissection of the mission contrasts sharply with the story presented by both sides of the Iraq war debate, the Pentagon spin masters and fierce critics. Perhaps inevitably, the "Letter from Iraq" moved quickly beyond the small group of acquantainaces and hit the inboxes of retired generals, officers in the Pentagon, and staffers on Capitol Hill. TIME's Sally B. Donnelly first received a copy three weeks ago but only this week was able to track down the author and verify the document's authenticity. The author wishes to remain anonymous but has allowed us to publish it here — with a few judicious omissions.

All: I haven't written very much from Iraq. There's really not much to write about. More exactly, there's not much I can write about because practically everything I do, read or hear is classified military information or is depressing to the point that I'd rather just forget about it, never mind write about it. The gaps in between all of that are filled with the pure tedium of daily life in an armed camp. So it's a bit of a struggle to think of anything to put into a letter that's worth reading. Worse, this place just consumes you. I work 18-20-hour days, every day. The quest to draw a clear picture of what the insurgents are up to never ends. Problems and frictions crop up faster than solutions. Every challenge demands a response. It's like this every day. Before I know it, I can't see straight, because it's 0400 and I've been at work for 20 hours straight, somehow missing dinner again in the process. And once again I haven't written to anyone. It starts all over again four hours later. It's not really like Ground Hog Day, it's more like a level from Dante's Inferno.

Rather than attempting to sum up the last seven months, I figured I'd just hit the record-setting highlights of 2006 in Iraq. These are among the events and experiences I'll remember best.

Worst Case of Déjà Vu — I thought I was familiar with the feeling of déjà vu until I arrived back here in Fallujah in February. The moment I stepped off of the helicopter, just as dawn broke, and saw the camp just as I had left it ten months before — that was déjà vu. Kind of unnerving. It was as if I had never left. Same work area, same busted desk, same chair, same computer, same room, same creaky rack, same... everything. Same everything for the next year. It was like entering a parallel universe. Home wasn't 10,000 miles away, it was a different lifetime.

Most Surreal Moment — Watching Marines arrive at my detention facility and unload a truck load of flex-cuffed midgets. 26 to be exact. We had put the word out earlier in the day to the Marines in Fallujah that we were looking for Bad Guy X, who was described as a midget. Little did I know that Fallujah was home to a small community of midgets, who banded together for support since they were considered as social outcasts. The Marines were anxious to get back to the midget colony to bring in the rest of the midget suspects, but I called off the search, figuring Bad Guy X was long gone on his short legs after seeing his companions rounded up by the giant infidels.

Most Profound Man in Iraq — an unidentified farmer in a fairly remote area who, after being asked by Reconnaissance Marines if he had seen any foreign fighters in the area replied "Yes, you."

Worst City in al-Anbar Province — Ramadi, hands down. The provincial capital of 400,000 people. Lots and lots of insurgents killed in there since we arrived in February. Every day is a nasty gun battle. They blast us with giant bombs in the road, snipers, mortars and small arms. We blast them with tanks, attack helicopters, artillery, our snipers (much better than theirs), and every weapon that an infantryman can carry. Every day. Incredibly, I rarely see Ramadi in the news. We have as many attacks out here in the west as Baghdad. Yet, Baghdad has 7 million people, we have just 1.2 million. Per capita, al-Anbar province is the most violent place in Iraq by several orders of magnitude. I suppose it was no accident that the Marines were assigned this area in 2003.

Bravest Guy in al-Anbar Province — Any Explosive Ordnance Disposal Technician (EOD Tech). How'd you like a job that required you to defuse bombs in a hole in the middle of the road that very likely are booby-trapped or connected by wire to a bad guy who's just waiting for you to get close to the bomb before he clicks the detonator? Every day. Sanitation workers in New York City get paid more than these guys. Talk about courage and commitment.

Second Bravest Guy in al-Anbar Province — It's a 20,000-way tie among all these Marines and Soldiers who venture out on the highways and through the towns of al-Anbar every day, not knowing if it will be their last — and for a couple of them, it will be.

Worst E-Mail Message — "The Walking Blood Bank is Activated. We need blood type A+ stat." I always head down to the surgical unit as soon as I get these messages, but I never give blood — there's always about 80 Marines in line, night or day.

Biggest Surprise — Iraqi Police. All local guys. I never figured that we'd get a police force established in the cities in al-Anbar. I estimated that insurgents would kill the first few, scaring off the rest. Well, insurgents did kill the first few, but the cops kept on coming. The insurgents continue to target the police, killing them in their homes and on the streets, but the cops won't give up. Absolutely incredible tenacity. The insurgents know that the police are far better at finding them than we are — and they are finding them. Now, if we could just get them out of the habit of beating prisoners to a pulp...

Greatest Vindication — Stocking up on outrageous quantities of Diet Coke from the chow hall in spite of the derision from my men on such hoarding, then having a 122mm rocket blast apart the giant shipping container that held all of the soda for the chow hall. Yep, you can't buy experience.

Biggest Mystery — How some people can gain weight out here. I'm down to 165 lbs. Who has time to eat?

Second Biggest Mystery — if there's no atheists in foxholes, then why aren't there more people at Mass every Sunday?

Favorite Iraqi TV Show — Oprah. I have no idea. They all have satellite TV.

Coolest Insurgent Act — Stealing almost $7 million from the main bank in Ramadi in broad daylight, then, upon exiting, waving to the Marines in the combat outpost right next to the bank, who had no clue of what was going on. The Marines waved back. Too cool.

Most Memorable Scene — In the middle of the night, on a dusty airfield, watching the better part of a battalion of Marines packed up and ready to go home after over six months in al-Anbar, the relief etched in their young faces even in the moonlight. Then watching these same Marines exchange glances with a similar number of grunts loaded down with gear file past — their replacements. Nothing was said. Nothing needed to be said.

Highest Unit Re-enlistment Rate — Any outfit that has been in Iraq recently. All the danger, all the hardship, all the time away from home, all the horror, all the frustrations with the fight here — all are outweighed by the desire for young men to be part of a band of brothers who will die for one another. They found what they were looking for when they enlisted out of high school. Man for man, they now have more combat experience than any Marines in the history of our Corps.

Most Surprising Thing I Don't Miss — Beer. Perhaps being half-stunned by lack of sleep makes up for it.

Worst Smell — Porta-johns in 120-degree heat — and that's 120 degrees outside of the porta-john.

Highest Temperature — I don't know exactly, but it was in the porta-johns. Needed to re-hydrate after each trip to the loo.

Biggest Hassle — High-ranking visitors. More disruptive to work than a rocket attack. VIPs demand briefs and "battlefield" tours (we take them to quiet sections of Fallujah, which is plenty scary for them). Our briefs and commentary seem to have no effect on their preconceived notions of what's going on in Iraq. Their trips allow them to say that they've been to Fallujah, which gives them an unfortunate degree of credibility in perpetuating their fantasies about the insurgency here.

Biggest Outrage — Practically anything said by talking heads on TV about the war in Iraq, not that I get to watch much TV. Their thoughts are consistently both grossly simplistic and politically slanted. Biggest Offender: Bill O'Reilly.

Best Intel Work — Finding Jill Carroll's kidnappers — all of them. I was mighty proud of my guys that day. I figured we'd all get the Christian Science Monitor for free after this, but none have showed up yet.

Saddest Moment — Having an infantry battalion commander hand me the dog tags of one of my Marines who had just been killed while on a mission with his unit. Hit by a 60mm mortar. He was a great Marine. I felt crushed for a long time afterward. His picture now hangs at the entrance to our section area. We'll carry it home with us when we leave in February.

Best Chuck Norris Moment — 13 May. Bad Guys arrived at the government center in a small town to kidnap the mayor, since they have a problem with any form of government that does not include regular beheadings and women wearing burqahs. There were seven of them. As they brought the mayor out to put him in a pick-up truck to take him off to be beheaded (on video, as usual), one of the Bad Guys put down his machine gun so that he could tie the mayor's hands. The mayor took the opportunity to pick up the machine gun and drill five of the Bad Guys. The other two ran away. One of the dead Bad Guys was on our top twenty wanted list. Like they say, you can't fight City Hall.

Worst Sound — That crack-boom off in the distance that means an IED or mine just went off. You just wonder who got it, hoping that it was a near miss rather than a direct hit. Hear it practically every day.

Second Worst Sound — Our artillery firing without warning. The howitzers are pretty close to where I work. Believe me, outgoing sounds a lot like incoming when our guns are firing right over our heads. They'd about knock the fillings out of your teeth.

Only Thing Better in Iraq Than in the U.S. — Sunsets. Spectacular. It's from all the dust in the air.

Proudest Moment — It's a tie every day, watching our Marines produce phenomenal intelligence products that go pretty far in teasing apart Bad Guy operations in al-Anbar. Every night Marines and Soldiers are kicking in doors and grabbing Bad Guys based on intelligence developed by our guys. We rarely lose a Marine during these raids, they are so well-informed of the objective. A bunch of kids right out of high school shouldn't be able to work so well, but they do.

Happiest Moment — Well, it wasn't in Iraq. There are no truly happy moments here. It was back in California when I was able to hold my family again while home on leave during July.

Most Common Thought — Home. Always thinking of home, of my great wife and the kids. Wondering how everyone else is getting along. Regretting that I don't write more. Yep, always thinking of home.

I hope you all are doing well. If you want to do something for me, kiss a cop, flush a toilet, and drink a beer. I'll try to write again before too long — I promise.



2:56 PM :: 0 comments ::

ryan :: permalink


Procrastination!

10.03.2006
Don't you hate those days when you wake up and continually set your alarm half an hour later? "Oh I can hit snooze just one more time..."

Yeah those days are happening more and more. I need to make sure to not get into a habit of doing that again. I'm finding more and more that if I get up early I feel better throughout the day.

The weather is back in Pittsburgh mode--I suppose we can expect snow within a week or so and then bouncing the temperature back up to somewhere near 80.

Our campus is hosting the Nintendo Fusion Tour. It's happening on October 7th in the Schenley Quad. If you're not familiar with what it is, Nintendo is sponsoring a tour with Hawthorne Heights, Relient K, as well as a few other bands. They'll be playing for free and also offering students and guests one of the first opportunities to test out Nintendo's new system, the Wii.

Sounds like it should be a good time--it starts at 12 PM on Saturday. Hope to see you guys there!

And now back to the fact that I have a paper due in two hours that I'm not done with yet.

Procrastination is greattttt.
1:57 PM :: 0 comments ::

ryan :: permalink


What do you stand for?

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. Call someone today that makes you happy. Tell them that you appreciate them. And then tell them why.

Can't hurt, can it?
1:46 AM :: 0 comments ::

ryan :: permalink


Nothing to prove, and nothing to lose.

10.02.2006
"And all this assembly will know the Lord does not deliver by sword or by spear, for the battle is the Lord's."

~ 1 Samuel 17:47
2:48 AM :: 0 comments ::

ryan :: permalink


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